Sunday, October 28, 2007

A good day.

Very productive and not at all lonely. In the morning, after a session of yoga (yay!) and breakfast I went to OA in East was really lovely, and someone did a great chair. I knew a couple of the people from my home meeting so it wasn't too strange. Although when I came to share I struggled to get my words out. Managed to say 'thank you for your chair it was thought-provoking' but I couldn't for the life of me think what specifically I liked about it, my mind was a blank. A bit embarrassing. But I was really glad I went and will definitely go again, in fact I might make it a regular thing, now that my Sundays will be more solitary.

Went to the supermarket to get cat food, then to the Farmer's Market to get my weekly veggies. Then home for a lovely lunch of sprouted mixed salads and my spicy spinach soup. Then I did some MATCH work and filled in an application form for something called the 'expert patients programme'. Went online and ordered a light box. Janey Lee Grace highly recommends them, and now the evenings are drawing in, well I like the idea of more light.

I had a string of phone calls, my Mum in the morning then two friends and Jasper...not used to being so popular. Jasper was a bit quiet. When I mentioned school he said 'can we not talk about school?' I was immediately a bit worried. But I guess it's normal...I probably would have felt just the same after a half-term holiday, at the thought of going back. He went to play footie in the park with an old friend from primary school yesterday. He went to France on Friday, a day trip with Jo and the girls. He said I love you...

I didn't really feel like talking either! Maybe because I had to pretend everything was going along as normal, when in fact, well my long-term relationship has broken up and that's going to take some adjusting to. I didn't want to worry him with that. One of my closest friends has been getting on my nerves. I feel that I need to work a bit harder on the Twelve Steps and see if I can't find a bit of extra compassion in my heart! I have random bitchy thoughts about other people too sometimes, even strangers, which give me pause for thought. I mean what's that about?

I do feel a bit confused, my mental clarity is not the greatest today.But I'm looking forward to getting back to the gym in the course of this week. Today is my third day with no psych meds whatsoever. I need to monitor how I do quite closely for the next few weeks. Lots of love, Zoe.

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