Wednesday, October 24, 2007

It's all over...

...between me and Richard. We had the mother of all awful rows on Sunday afternoon. Things got so bad Richard seemed to think he needed to call the police...I had to wrestle the phone off him! I cried a great deal and shouted and yelled a lot too. My intention for us to talk things through yielded nothing, a big zilch. Richard had nothing to say to me. And everything that I had to say, I said. It was one big emotional splurge. Luckily in the evening I had arranged to see a friend for supper.

Next day I felt amazingly OK. I expected to be wrung out and very emotional but instead I felt energised and excited. It was as if I had expunged most of the sadness and grief the previous day...I went to my Fellowship group and shared, happily, about what I had done. Then I went to visit my Mum. We had a nice time together, visiting Canterbury and shopping for a few clothes for me. I found some absolute bargains, and we had lunch out in a wholefood cafe.

I returned to London to attend my Overeaters group, and ended up filling the 'chair' slot as we had been let down. That's where someone in recovery tells the group their their food issues developed for instance, and how OA impacted on them. With no preparation whatsoever and only six months in OA behind me I did OK. My story doesn't focus on food so much as the mood disorder that started to plague me from age 19 onward. However there were three others in the meeting who had experience of mental hospitals so there was a fair bit of identification. People thanked me for my honesty. I had a very warm feeling from all the positive feedback.

Things are going on satisfactorily. This afternoon I went to register at Learn Direct at the local library so that I can study for the ECDL (European Computer Driving Licence) there. I had to do a numeracy and a literacy test! They were surprisingly hard, I thought! I ended up with a Level Two in both and the irony was that I seemed to get more right answers in Numeracy than Literacy! I couldn't believe how many wrong answers I got in Literacy! But no matter because you only need Level One to be accepted on the course. I start tomorrow...yippee!

Richard sent me a couple of emails. He said he is very down about what has happened. But anything he says now is too little too late. As for me I have nothing left to say. I said it all...

I attended an interview at MIND last Friday. It seemed to go well though I haven't heard yet if I got the (voluntary) job. I have to take my Criminal Record check down there. There are also other irons in the fire...possibly working in the local volunteer bureau, and also getting a voluntary placement in one of the Islington libraries. (Haringey ones don't take volunteers as yet).

Health wise I still have the tail end of my cold, have a cold sore trying to come up on my lip (mmm, nice!) and feel a little tired. Made it to yoga today but not to the gym.

Take care, Zoe.

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