Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Oh dear.

I'm going through stuff. Things started to go a bit pear-shaped on Saturday after an interesting, even exciting, and productive week when I was exercising, job-hunting and attending recruitment fairs. I had agreed to go to the OA convention (Overeaters Anonymous), to the business meeting which was all day Saturday and it took a full two hours to get there (on the tube to Heathrow and a Hoppa bus) and the same back. Factor in that I was starting to go down with a nasty cold...and the air-con was either too hot or too cold. I didn't know anyone there and had to struggle to follow what motions and amendments were being discussed at a given time. The idea was that I was there to represent my group and support the Convention ...well that's one particular 'service' I probably won't volunteer for again in a hurry!

Then when I finally made it back I was struggling to get along with Richard. On Sunday things went further downhill and any efforts to sort them out or make them better seemed doomed to fail. Basically what it seemed to come down to is that my trust in Richard has taken a hammering, because I can't voice anything that smacks of criticism without him flying off the handle and threatening to leave.

And after he left on Sunday afternoon I just felt rotten. Ill, exhausted and depressed. Have spent much of the last few days in bed. Have contact with Jasper on Saturday and don't really know what to do...probably go rowing on the River Lea provided the weather holds out. I wish to God for once he would come up with something to do...I wouldn't mind going to his home town but he used to have this thing about not wanting to be seen with me and I don't know if he still does.

Got the first post for about two weeks this morning. I've really missed it! I'm worried about the state of my relationships generally. Where am I going wrong? Feel like an outcast and a social pariah...Take care all, Zoe.

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