Thursday, April 10, 2008

Been Spring cleaning...

...or rather, Spring tidying, or rather rationalising my impressive collection of papers, files, books and magazines. About six white bin-bags of papers have made their way outside, ready for the recycling men. It feels like having a really good s***! Excuse my earthy metaphor, but I'm sure you know what I mean! It's great to see my bookshelves tidy, with an actual space underneath the bottom shelf instead of a jumble of muddled up, out of date phone books and such. I really recommend it if you want a mood lift!

That, of course, is if you aren't too low to find the motivation for such tasks. They can seem daunting at first. I actually felt quite low this morning myself and went out for a wander for no better reason than that I could not bear my own four walls any longer. I'm a bit low about Richard. We had another big row last Wednesday and he is still upset about it and didn't want to come round yesterday. Which has highlighted to me in no uncertain terms that the problems we had in our relationship before have not miraculously gone away. Surprise!

As a couple we have never learned to use conflict constructively. For awhile things will be hunky dory then suddenly they are not. And the more active, proactive and involved I become in recovery and my many and various projects the more obvious it becomes that he is just not engaged in the same way. He seems to feel quite defeated at the moment by the job business. I could say a lot more but I don't want to put this in a public space...I guess it's not fair to him. Plus, he might read it and feel unhappy.

Anyway I'm going to my Dual Recovery Anonymous meeting this evening. Take care all! Love - Zoe.

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