Monday, May 26, 2008

Am probably moving to Wordpress...

...that is if I can work out all the tecchie bits and bobs over there. Have set up a blog there and imported all my posts from here, but then noticed that my blogroll there was empty and also that I couldn't figure out how to add a new post! I know...pathetic!

Well had quite a nice weekend with Richard. He stayed over two nights as it was Bank Holiday. It's been pissing down yesterday and today. Yesterday had a bit of a mood wobble a propos of nothing in particular. Suddenly felt really low, needy and desperate for reassurance. It lasted approx two hours. It just went away by itself.

In the old days I was classic Bipolar 1. After maybe six or eight weeks of out of control mania I would slowly but surely descend into at least two or three months solid depression featuring suicidal ideation.

This time has been very different. Yeah, I have been prey to deluded thinking. Yeah I have done a few things I now regret. However none of them was dangerous or really destructive, I didn't become promiscuous or have any inclination to. I didn't really enjoy the mania. Actually I noticed very many physical symptoms which often eclipsed the mental stuff. I was a lot more aware of what was going on.

And now that I am very much touching down back where I was before all this kicked off I note a so far complete absence of the kind of protracted severe depression I used to succumb to. Frankly I am amazed and exhilarated by this realisation. However I am still subject, as always to unpredictable moodswings, witness my wobble yesterday.

Next on the agenda: give up this appalling smoking. I give myself no more than a week to do that but hope I can kick it in the next few days. I want to have finished with the Weed by next weekend when I see my boy. He hates me smoking. Hell, I hate me smoking.

Then, item by item, I will reinstate all the things I was doing before back into my life. Take care all. Love, Zoe.

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