Sunday, May 11, 2008

It's just all moan moan moan....

Poor me! Can't sleep and personality appears to change by the hour if not by the minute. Takes absolutely forever to get connected to this internet thingy and all. But suppose I should check in with you lot anyway. If only to have a bit of a rant.

Y'see, sometimes the battle's not over even when it's won. Sometimes it gets worse AFTER it gets better. That is truly soul-destroying. Sometimes you seem to be taking one step forward and two back. Sometimes...

Me boyfriend is puzzled. I can't explain myself to myself let alone to him. Expecting a rational explanation...well frankly he should know me bettr than that by now, but I appear to have just contradicted myself.

Doctor doctor, no-one understands me! I think I'm a pair of curtains... 'Pull yourself together'.

I am up at half two in the bloody morning and getting uglier by the minute as I dismally fail to get the required beauty sleep. Still they expect me to listen to all the pop music din with equanimity. I ask can anyone? My disguise is just not cunning enough and I just might be the real slim shady.

But Zoe, NO-ONE listens to Eminem anymore. We have so moved on! He's cold product.

How about bourgeois bohemians living in Hornsey North London practising yoga, meditation and partaking in twelve-step fellowships? With a kid's future to think of, vegan to boot (though at the moment I am stuffing sweets down my gullet like there's no tomorrow). Well? How many of them listen to Eminem? Oh and I'm forty-six and menopausal, that ups the weirdness stakes even more.

Admittedly my life has become unaccountably more colourful of late. Have spent the afternoon in a police cell in Hornsey after smashing a pane of glass in the front door of a friend of mine who I was smoking crack with. Next day I collapsed in the street and had to be ambulanced to the local hospital (physical this time). All tests came back normal. BUT I'M NOT NORMAL!

And then there's this blog. On the rare occasions when the internet condescends to let me access it I notice the phenomenal level of silence here...With all my literary gifts I can only capture a small handful of kind readers who probably feel more sorry for me than anything else. But if you are good at reading between the words, you will notice I have a fuck of a lot to say! Other people go all around the houses. I get to the point! Is that the problem we ask ourselves? Well it's probably the same one Eminem had. Or whatever he calls himself these days.

Have now joined the Ipod generation thanks to the strenuous efforts of my beloved Richard. Intend getting into my bubble and refusing to let anyone bother me very much at all in the next few weeks. If that's alright with the rest of you.

Love and hugs...despite everything...and all comments welcomed. Even the dodgy ones will probably tell me something. Zoe.

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