Saturday, May 17, 2008

Mama's got a brand new bag...

Yeah, I spilt orange juice all over my last one (brown leather). This one suits me better so 'bye-bye'. What can I tell you? Been sleeping a lot better. Have done crack once in a week which I reckon amounts to moderation. Am cooking, eating better. My Ipod still helps me get through the days. Whivh are far too long. Only really happy when I'm asleep, hey, you know the drill.

This episode is different, so very different from previous ones. Still addicted to listening to music, whereas usually once I'm depressed I don't want to know. Can laugh and smile with the right people. Don't feel ugly and worthless most of the time.

I feel powerful. I know I am powerful. They say that's the biggest aphrodisiac but maybe that's just men because I'm finding it has the opposite effect. Can't get a new man in my life for love or money. In the meantime Richard is a treasure. It's just he's only with me twice a week. When he leaves I plummet down again.

Tocay I plan on going to the Farmer's Market to get some fresh local produce. Generally getting back into the old routine but minus the self-pressure to get a job etc. It doesn't matter a tuppenny damn whether I work or not. Get back into my spiritual practice too. My fellowships. Keep lighting the candles, burning the incense and hope that Higher Power will have pity on me eventually and bring that new man into my life. The one who will be powerless to resist!

Love you...Zoe.


a.e. sturdevant said...

Hey, Zoe, glad to hear you are cooking and eating. Sleep can be a comfort - I gave up and went to bed for part of this afternoon.

I know it is part of an episode often, depression, whatever, but it is a relief. I'm certainly happy when the day is over.

I have an MP3 player, but don't listen much. But it is great fun. I can listen to the same song over and over. Bob Marley for me.

I think I was being too sensitive after the Italy trip. Way too sensitive. Any feelings I had about Yank bashing I chalk up to my misconceptions. Really, it was wonderful on the whole to see that part of Italy and be with you.

Well, hang in there, Zoe girl. I read you got out of the hospital a few weeks ago! Give yourself credit! That can't be easy, that, and being at the police station for the afternoon.

If you are wondering about day structuring, I enjoy the - the expert at The National Gallery was interesting or a tour of Highgate Cemetery. Just of way of saying I certainly envy you being in practically central London.

Take care,
ae sturdevant

Zoe said...

Thanks, A., great to hear from you again.