Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Still very emotional.

I had a good night's sleep, some sweet dreams. Then I woke up! What can I say. My OA meeting yesterday did help. The worst thing I can do at times like this is withdraw. Yeah, I read 'Women who love too much', but it seems that (surprise, surprise) reading it isn't enough to banish all symptoms of 'love addiction'. They are all there, in force. Obsession, self-deception, masochism (well, what else can you call it?)

Still I managed to have a lovely hot bath with oils, do my yoga and attempt to meditate. My prayers were a lot more intense than usual. I've been calling on my Higher Power for 'strength to let go'. It's a beautiful, sunny day, very cold and frosty. I went out to water my plants and the frost on the lawn is so pretty in the sunlight.

I'm struggling with my emotions. I will refrain from cynical remarks about 'so what else is new', because actually, let's get this in proportion. This is the first moodswing worthy of the name I've had in ages...I mean with the high and the low, the works. Actually, as I said to an OA friend yesterday it's reassuring in a funny way to actually have one, because it means that whole 'bipolar' thing was real and not just a product of my fevered imaginings. And I have to fill in my Disability least I've had an 'episode' however minor.

The stuff I put out there! This blog is a weird combination of private and public. Let's hope the kind folks at the Department of Pensions aren't reading it...second thoughts, I think I can safely assume they're not! Take care all...Love, Zoe.

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