Wednesday, August 15, 2007

The crash...

A difficult conversation with my son, who doesn't live with me, and then going to the community which turned out to be full of families...was all it took. The loss and grief kicked in quite badly and I just spiralled downwards despite the lovely setting and being near the sea with all the life-giving sea breezes. Feeling apart, stigmatized, not a proper parent, not even a proper grown up, the insecurity was such that I haven't felt in a while. We all know that comparisons are not where it's at but sometimes we can't help falling prey to them I guess.

I felt tired a lot as well and spent a few hours in the day sleeping. Didn't feel sociable, only wanting to eat and sleep. Needing to get up several times in the night to pee...thinking that might be down to one of the supplements I'm taking but have no idea which.

Richard stayed the night after we got back and I was glad for that but after he left this morning I predictably felt worse again...very tired. Couldn't face going to yoga, after my morning abdominal exercises and breakfast I just wanted to lie down again. Spent a lot of the day sleeping or dozing, couldn't even read, listened to the radio. Finally dragged myself out to the nearest small supermarket to get the essentials. Need to start the cat on antibiotics tomorrow so she has to have her favourite foods. I will need to crumble the pills into it and just hope to God she will eat it. For her bad teeth.

Feeling a bit better and livelier now it's evening but that is always par for the course when I'm low. Cut my meds down by one quarter today...375mg of Sodium Valproate. Take care all...Love, Zoe.

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