Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Mama never said there'd be days like this...

I am 'writhing carefully'. Hi to all the members of my brand new family of psychiatric survivors and withdrawers from psychiatric drugs. It is this that brings me to this blog. I was on 1500mg of Epilim and 150mg of Seroquel. I never lost my very healthy scepticism about these drugs, but I was frightened into taking them by the fear and dread of (yet) another breakdown. My body has been in the wars. I gave up smoking over a year ago and am now turning into something of a born-again health freak. Well it's a case of having to. And now with the withdrawal I am discovering more new stuff each day.

I found Gianna's blog at her website Bipolar Blast and have been inspired to start writing myself. I already have a blog at Moodgarden but you have to be a member to read it and the truth is I do not feel free to share anything there as I am concerned that others may be upset by what I am doing. So many people unfortunately buy into the psychiatric myth of happy pills, calm pills, stable pills...and the rest. My best friend is on a cocktail of the blessed things for unipolar depression and as a result is a lot iller than I've ever been with anxiety, dread and recurring depression...yet her presenting illness should really have been easier to treat if anything.

I know I don't need these things because I am taking charge of myself, of my body and of what I put into it...that will deal with the mental stuff and the spiritual stuff is between me and my Higher Power.

I want to throw my two penn'orth into the ring...nothing like a nice mixed metaphor is there? and say along with Gianna and all her friends we are survivors on the road to freedom. Freedom from enslavement to someone else's idea of who we are and what we should be.

1 comment:

jessi said...

Hi... just read most of the blog... Just sharing a few of my thoughts on going off meds below...

Wanted to quote a part of what you said but haven't found out how to do that. It's the part where you say you are okay if you control what goes in and out of your body and that the rest can be left to the Higher Power.

I understand that you are worried that people (like at MG) may be upset over what you wrote. (However that is their responsibility, not yours...).

I too decided to very slowly diminish the amount of meds I take and like to follow a healthy lifestyle. I was very apprehensive to for the reactions of others. In general this is not as bad as I thought and especially on MG people are very open to a no-meds approach (as it should be, too, each person should find his own way to deal with him/herself and his own health).

But. I think an attitude like you described is rather optimistic. You did not say (or I could not find it) if you went off your meds all at once, cold turkey, or if you are tapering off the dosage.
I have been lowering my dosage of Seroquel (the only med I take now) during the past few years, with 12,5 mg per THREE months. And each time I took 12,5 mg off, I noticed a difference.
So I'm saying you have to be very, very careful, in my idea. AND you have to build up a LOT of inner peace, calm and strength to be able to replace the meds by inner stability. (I'm using methods like yoga, prayer and meditation to do that). It's not as easy as it seems. You have to go about it very carefully. Is my 2 cents.

Also, personally I tend to see it this way: I cannot know if I will have another episode of mania or depression. I simply don't know. I am willing to accept it if I do, and then take the meds needed to get me to a state where I can be responsible for myself and for the wellbeing of my loved ones.
This while in the meantime keeping open an eye for healing and believing that recovery, to which ever degree, is possible.

That way the disappointment or 'crash' should one have relapse will not be so great.

Wishing you best of luck,