Tuesday, November 6, 2007


'Delivery to a certain ex-partner's email address has been delayed'. How bleeding symbolic is that!!! That really sums up our relationship! It's like shouting at aliens from Planet Earth with a megaphone! It's like bloody Chinese whispers only with just two of you.

All day long I've had a running subtext, phenomenally monotonous in nature, mainly consisting of repeating over and over to myself the magic words 'it's over'. But it's amazing how productive I've managed to be...it's barely distracted me at all from anything important.

Went to the Women Like Us introductory workshop in the morning...it's an organisation which helps women returners get back to work. They were nice and very professional, and they seem to have a lot to offer, though I felt a bit self-conscious in case anyone asked me about my precise family circumstances. They didn't though.

Then I went and had a look at the North London Buddhist Centre. Then I picked up some lunch, Chinese veg, then back to Learn Direct, then the gym, then OA (Overeaters Anonymous). It was a brilliant meeting, a lot more people than there's been for a few weeks, and an excellent chair. There wasn't time for everyone to share and I didn't but it didn't matter really because I had a chance to talk to some of the people I feel close to. And generally I felt I was coming out of myself...I have to go through a certain pain barrier sometimes, verging on social phobia, but if I'm determined enough and have good energy, like today, I make it through. I have to start by sounding quite awkward sometimes but just keep pushing through that until I re-learn the art of conversation.

Someone was there who I know from the mental health scene, and I could feel his depression, he was sitting next to me. I had tried to reach out a bit, but I felt a bit guilty when he said he didn't really feel supported in our meeting.

Then I came home and watched 'Flight of the Conchords' which is quite simply the ONLY thing worth watching on the whole of British TV at the moment. And, naturally, it's from New Zealand!

Take care all...Love, Zoe.

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