Sunday, November 11, 2007

Still pretty low.

I have been really struggling since that meeting on Thursday. It seems to have really triggered me. I went to my Mum's on Friday and stayed over to see my cousin, her husband and kids who were up for the day. The socialising was quite an effort...really I couldn't wait to get back to my own space and as soon as I did, I did feel usual. However I am still having to keep busy to stave off the big D. Today I went to OA in the morning, then to the gym, then came home and did a load of hoovering and dusting, then cooked a meal.

The irony is, I had been looking forward to seeing Jasper, and I really had no idea the meeting was going to be so awful...usually they're not too bad.

Everything is really shite, yet I've managed to do a lot of good things for myself today, starting with a good session of yoga and meditation, plus prayer. I just want Jasper to do good things for HIM self. And stop moaning...put his head down and get on with it. Jesus how bad can it be? One thing I didn't expect was any bullying at this school. It didn't seem like that kind of school at all, but what, you might ask, is that kind of school? I was apprehensive, but more about his behaviour problems surfacing, or him not being able to cope with all the work, but apparently he is doing very well with all that, and has been well-organised and motivated, doing his homework, according to Jo.

I have to read my copy of 'For Today', which has profound thoughts or insights for every day of the year. There is one about letting go of worries about loved ones. I really have a lot of work to do on that score.

Plus I am still hurting over Richard and wish it hadn't ended so badly. It's bad enough it's ended, why the bitterness? That seems to be his way. He always was inclined to be like that...perhaps it's how he handles a perceived rejection. He seems blissfully unaware of the implications of his own, very rejecting behaviour. I am at a loss what to do about it so I will just carry on doing nothing and you can bet your life he will do precisely nothing too. Predictable to the very last.

Take care all...Love, Zoe.

1 comment:

Gianna said...

Hang in there Zoe.
I'm sorry things are rough for you now.