Friday, November 2, 2007

Oh dear...again!

Last night I had an accident. I was walking back from Dual Recovery Anonymous, was only about ten yards from my front door, it was dark, I was tired and was foolishly not wearing my glasses or lenses. I went right over on my left ankle and ended up lying flat on my back on the pavement! Oh the agony! I knew it was a bad one, because I felt sick. Hobbled home...soon found that my ankle swelled up like a cricket ball. Put some aloe vera cream on it. Also had a grazed right knee.

Slept well, but in the morning the ankle still hurt a lot. Bandaged it, skipped yoga AND meditation, and walked, slowly, into Wood Green to the library to do my course. That was OK...I just have to slow down. Doing OK with the Learn Direct course. It's quite hard work though. A lot to take in. Amazing how much I don't know, and very timely that I'm learning it now. Not only will I need it for the workplace, but I also have to manage my computer stuff more independently now that Richard isn't around.

Just been deleting a load of old emails, sent and received. My deleted file had 700-odd emails in it so I just ruthlessly deleted them. I realise now that letting a load of stuff stack up can affect the efficiency of the workings of the 'puter. You can really tell I'm not a tecchie can't you!

Felt very very sad this evening when I was on my way home. It's Friday night and I know that I'm going to be alone for most of the weekend. No intimacy with anyone. But it was OK. It's natural, normal emotion, nothing to do with depression or mood disorders. I'm thankful to be so normal.

It's about a week since I discontinued the 250mg of Epilim. No noticeable withdrawal symptoms. Maybe just feeling my feelings a little more, maybe that's part of the sadness thing, but it's also the grieving process, which often doesn't kick in right away, it happens over time. Duh, that's why they call it a process!

I feel sorry that the break-up hasn't been mature or sensible. I would have liked to be grown up about it. I'm not into getting bitter and twisted about people that I've been close to. But maybe I have to accept a certain amount of froideur from Richard as the price I have to pay. A sort of double whammy really, because not only have I lost a close relationship but I have to handle the fall-out too.

But Gloria Gaynor and I, you know, we'll survive... Take care all, love Zoe.

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