Alone and a bit lonely.

I've had a very solitary day and evening...not so much as a phone call. As always it's pretty much OK during the day but in the evening I start to feel the loneliness. Yet it was a strangely upbeat day. I felt fantastic when I woke up (and very horny). Just as well not many people read this blog! The last three weeks, since the problems started with Richard, I have been virtually dead from the waist down. Suddenly I woke from a highly erotic dream (involving guess who?) absolutely desperate to get my rocks off! You have to laugh!

Then I started to go into a spot of denial, or call it wilful and foolish optimism, about R. I just felt sure we were going to get back together. I toyed with the idea of playfully sending him a text, and luckily refrained.

I did some yoga and meditated (changing positions) and my ankle was certainly less painful and stiff than yesterday. I think that drinking aloe vera gel really helps as it's a natural anti-inflammatory. Rubbing on the cream seemed to help too. Then I had a lovely breakfast of quinoa porridge with apple, seeds, berries and soya yoghurt and rye/corn toast with coconut oil.

Then I went out for the paper. It was an absolutely beautiful morning and really warm! I was in a T-shirt! I just drank in the autumn colours. My favourite time of year, at least in terms of beauty. On my return, I mowed the lawn. That used to be R's job, so there was three week's worth of growth! But I enjoyed doing it. A bit later, I picked some spinach and made Leith's recipe for 'spinach bhaji', also one of their fab recipes for butternut squash and peanut butter soup (curried). Had some of both with some brown basmati rice for lunch. Listened to a pleasingly spooky play on Radio 7. I often listen to Radio 7 on Saturdays, because Radio 4 can be a bit crap.

I sat outside reading in the sun (and later, it did cloud over). Forgot to mention that this morning before I sat to meditate I created a Buddhist shrine with my new Buddha (pink marble). I knew it needed to have incense, flowers and candles. Later I picked some flowers from the garden.

Really the whole day was somewhat like a solitary retreat. Except that I did get an email from R (responding to mine of last night) and then had to respond with two fairly lengthy efforts of my own. I also went down the road to watch Ally Pally fireworks. It's the only night of the year when my road sees so much people traffic! Usually it's so quiet...and I love that about it. I am truly so blessed. In so many many ways.

I've been burning essential oils in a vapouriser...bergamot, geranium and chamomile. Soothing, balancing, uplifting.

Will probably make it to the East Finchley OA meeting tomorrow. Take care all! Love, Zoe.